he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I party with great urgency now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
