Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
