Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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