oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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