At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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