if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
