i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
