Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
