I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
