just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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