I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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