More tranny stories later!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
