Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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