Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
