i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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