So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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