i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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