We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
