I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
