In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
