you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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