I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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