Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dick has a subreddit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
