Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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