I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
