wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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