I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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