Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
