I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
