I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
