i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
