Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
