i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
