You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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