Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
