somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
