If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
