spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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