I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
