are you so shy because you have an std?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
