I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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