i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Vodka?
Forever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
