Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
