Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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