Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
