we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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