How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
