Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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