How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
