ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
