I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
