Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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