How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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