4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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