I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So vagazzling was a success
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