I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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