i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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